Washingtonpost news updates: Auditions

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Sunday, February 12, 2012

‘American Idol’ 2012: Auditions go down to Texas

Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez, Randy Jackson and Ryan Seacrest in Galveston, Texas. (Michael Becker - Fox)

Tonight, “American Idol’s” in Houston, home of the NASA Houston Space Center so the show opens with a weightless greeting from Cmdr. Dan C. Burbank aboard the International Space Station. Was that Simon Cowell we saw in orbit outside the window?

“We’ve been saying, Season 11, a new beginning,” judge Randy Jackson says, quoting himself from a previous show, as the judges arrive on the waterfront in – wait a minute! They’re in Galveston! They’re carrying on the theme from last night’s Denver-Aspen auditions, in which the judges were separated, by many miles, from the sweating masses of auditioners.

Phong Vu is a bit of a nutcase with grandiose ideas “Today my spirit will come alive”, he exults while posed down on the beach. But not so much of a nutcase he doesn’t correctly get Idol’s theme for the season” “Being American, ‘American Idol’ is just phenomenon, it’s just amazing,” he says, if ungrammatically.

Well, by Season 11 we’ve developed enough of an “American Idol” Sixth Sense to know that Vu is a lamb for the slaughter. His singing style on “Un-break My Heart,” by Toni Braxton, sounds like people you hear singing when they’ve got their iPod earbuds in, and are totally oblivious that anyone can hear them. The judges toy with Vu, then send him away. “Your hands are sweaty,” show host Ryan Seacrest tells him after the audition. Ryan knows a dead lamb when he sees one.

A montage of cowboys riding the range follows, while Ryan reminds us of Texas he-man heritage. Followed by some very very bad guy singers and two cowboys with adenoidal voices.

So we’re getting a Texas-sized hankering to actually be musically entertained already. Next up is Skylar Laine from Brandon, MS, and we get a taped bit about how she likes to kill deer. She even has the head of a deer she killed hanging on her bedroom wall, which “Idol” plays for laughs. She gives an okay country-style audition on Pistol Annies’ “Hell on Heels,” which the judges greet like she’s the next Carrie Underwood.

Baylie Brown from Nashville auditioned for Idol when she was 16 and now she’s back five years later. She got bounced after the group-sing event because of sabotage from her two Jersey partners, she strongly implies, although she forgot the words which might have contributed a bit. She performs Bon Jovi’s “Bed of Roses” and she’s a solid B, though the judges bestow the Golden Ticket like a big gift.

Next up, Ryan promises, an auditioner taking “her one and only shot to change her life.”

As it turns out that’s because Kristine Osorio is already 28 -- the final freshness date for “Idol” auditioners. Roll video: Kristine has three little kids and is in the middle of a divorce but she invested the money she set aside to pay her lawyer to buy a plane ticket to Houston. So she and her lawyer have got a lot riding on this. She has a good strong voice (“Thank you, god,” says judge Jennifer Lopez, as Kristine starts singing) and she’s through to Hollywood.

It’s Jennifer Lopez “versus the Boys Club”, Ryan tells us about the upcoming segment. We see a quick succession of partial auditions in which judge Steven Tyler and Randy reject a series of female singers with voices no better than the successful auditioners we saw earlier in the show, while JLo protests and protests. Then there’s the one chick the guys like and JLo pronounces “awful.” Well, there’s no accounting for taste. Maybe we should mention that ladies the guys rejected were plain and the one they put through to Hollywood was cute. “I was so angry, I almost had an anxiety attack!” Jennifer tells her makeup artist during a break.

Ryan decides they need some levity. He finds Alejandro Cazares. “I am The Revoultion,” Alejandro says. Today is the first day of Alejandro’s revolution. He speechifies to the crowd of Idol auditioners, then leads them in chants of “Revolution! Revolution!” As we know, any of the auditioners would gladly slit the throats of the others if it would get them ahead in the line, so we don’t really believe this group is going to rise up en masse and demand a redistribution of Golden Tickets from the greedy to the needy. But we’re still curious to see where this story line will lead.

It leads to a miserable rendition of Paramore’s “Things Are Looking Up” and Alejandro begging on his knees for mercy from the judges, before finally being shooed away by the “American Idol” bouncer.

We are now three quarters of the way through the show and “Idol” hasn’t shown us a memorable talent, or even a memorable auditioner’s back-story, and if ever there was a time for a Revolution, this is it! We’re refusing to drink a Coke or make a Verizon call till the entertainment value of this show gets redistributed from the greedy to the needy! Well, they send in Cortez Shaw, an amiable guy whose family was homeless when he was a kid. He affirms that “‘American Idol’ is opportunity at its greatest.” Enough empty promises. Entertainment now! Well, he’s gutsy enough to tackle an Adele song, “Someone Like You” and he’s pretty talented but at this point It’s Just Not Enough! “Good looking, sweet, great voice,” says JLo, hopefully.

Oh, the arrogance. “Idol” producers now are flaunting their power by throwing some more bad acts at us. Some limber chick shouts Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep,” prompting Tyler to snark, “I’ll bet you’re great (beat) on the dance floor.” And here’s some earnest guy with a high voice, who Randy finds hysterically funny. Sure, you can laugh, rich guy -- your mortgage is paid.

It’s down to the last contestant to redeem this episode.

Last auditioner of the day. This is it, last chance for entertainment -- the equivalent of turning 28 for tonight’s show as far as we’re concerned. Only thing that would satisfy us at this point is somebody coming out and performing a Rage Against the Machine medley about five inches from Randy’s face. Of course, after 11 years, we’ve developed an “Idol” Sixth Sense that the last auditioner of the day is always the most uplifting among the thousands. But Ramiro Garcia better be about the Second Coming, is all we got to say. What you got, Ramiro? “I wasn’t born normal. I came out with no ears,” he says. Oh, well, alright then. Seems a series of heroic feats by surgeons gave Ramiro ears and the ability to speak. “Through time and faith I have a voice to speak with, even a voice to sing,” he says. And he gives a very heartfelt rendition of “Amazing Grace,” including a rarely heard verse. It’s touching. This guy has a future on the gospel circuit no matter what. “You’re a powerful example to say the least,” says Tyler, and Ramiro is on his way to Hollywood, as his father wipes away tears.

“54 got the Golden Ticket!” Ryan exults in voiceover and we see the judges congratulating themselves on how great things went in Houston, apparently for their private entertainment and not for the 99% of us viewers.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

‘American Idol’ 2012: Auditions continue in Pittsburgh

Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez, Randy Jackson and Ryan Seacrest on the set of “Idol” in Pittsburgh. (Michael Becker - Fox)

First time in Pittsburgh for “American Idol.” We kick off the show with a Speed Tour of Pittsburgh Cliches: black and yellow, the Terrible Towel, girls who say “yinze guys,” a bridge.

First auditioner is Heejun Han, born in Korea, from Flushing, NY. Speaking of clichés, Heejun Han is a model of Asian impassiveness with an odd twist. He tells the camera he thinks he is a “little good” as a singer, but some of the others who are auditioning are “just crazy good, and now I’m thinking I’m not that good at all.”

Heejun also worries about the size of his head, which is “really big” compared to Ryan Seacrest’s which, Heejun notes, is really small. We’re getting major cues that this Heejun is a geek show. But no, his audition of Michael Bolton’s “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You” is good, and we begin to question the whole impassive act. Randy: “I’m really impressed -- and shocked.” After getting his ticket to Hollywood, Heejun gives a performance for the camera: “Hollywooooooooooood. I’m coming.” His comic timing is too good. We think the judges just got punked on their own racial stereotypes.

Reed Grim, 26, from Wisconsin has been on stage, in the family band, since age 2. He sings a jazzy version of the “Family Matters” theme song and it’s obvious this guy is a musician. The judges love him (“genius” says Tyler) and he’s through to Hollywood -- but we know that the “Idol” gods have put the big ol’ Scat Curse on jazzy singers so he’ll never survive.

A mélange of good singers later, we meet Samantha Novacek. Samantha is a nice, straight-head country singer who performs Faith Hill’s “Like We Never Loved”. She ignores her sister, Patricia Bell, lying on the floor in a catatonic pose. Patricia, you see, does planking, the silly public display of a yoga position that we thought was something done in good fun. But Patricia is dead serious about it and claims she’s there because it makes Samantha sing better. “I’m not a singer. I’m a planker. I’m planking her to Hollywood,” Patricia says. Right. Samantha doesn’t even acknowledge Patricia during her audition, and we suspect that she’s a victim of planking abuse. The judges ignore Patricia, too. It’s all uncomfortable-making, but anyway Samantha sails through to Hollywood, though we suspect Patricia is going to ride her coattails to Hollywood, in “support”.

Creighton Fraker will audition with a tune he just wrote on the way to Pittsburgh, he tells the judges. They swallow it. The tune is about them. The judges simper and coo. “Like Jamiroquai and Justin Timberlake had a baby,” marvels JLo, who is only comfortable when she’s figured out who an Idolette is exactly like. Tyler asks him to sing a song with an actual beginning, middle, and end. While Creighton sings, JLo begins to obsess again: “Who does he remind me of?” she asks Randy. “Who is he right now?” Tyler gushes: “Most amazing thing I’ve ever seen, you are sweetly insane.” See you in Hollywood, Creighton!

Eben Frankowitz is a very cute 15-year-old with Justin Bieber teeth and a Justin Bieber haircut. He gets the full treatment, including a show of his home video as he travels to Pittsburgh and his Mom advises him, “Let everybody else do their thing – you do Eben’s thing.” We guess the producers spotted his photo and thought he’d be a draw for Generation Bieber. “Who do people say you look like?” Randy says, on cue. “People say Justin Bieber,” Eben blushes. Eben performs a lovely choir-boy take on “Ain’t No Sunshine” and the judges love him. “Some people are just born to do it. I think you’re just one of those people,” says JLo.

We remember Travis Orlando, the formerly homeless teen from the Bronx who auditioned last year and was visited by a full crew from the American Idol Documentary Unit (Our Motto: “Create Your Own Reality”). Now he’s back at 17, with an even sadder story: mom split, dad in dialysis, eviction from an apartment, family back in a shelter. Travis sings “Isn’t She Lovely” and he’s just competent. Travis doesn’t seem to grasp that if you’ve got a painful back story the rule is you’re supposed to sing like you’re in pain. The judges are clearly disappointed. “Your voice has gotten stronger but there’s still a part of it that, you’re not coming all the way out with it,” JLo says. Travis starts pleading that he’s doing this to show his mom that he’s worth something, and that he’s scared but determined to go on singing and well, what are they going to say: come back when you’ve suffered even more? He’s through to Hollywood.

Erika Van Pelt from Rhode Island gets a lot of back-story screen time but we’re not sure why, since she’s got to be representative of thousands of auditioners – a DJ cum wedding singer. That time chewed up, we finally see her audition with Carole King’s “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow” and she’s moderately entertaining with a smoky low voice. “Very sexy -- very sure of yourself,” says Tyler

Next up, a genuine coal miner from West Virginia. We have a soft spot in our heart for these kinds of stories -- people who haven’t been in a family band since they were two, and haven’t auditioned in their living rooms for “Idol” since they were six. You know – actual real people. We see Shane Bruce, 19, singing for his fellow miners, underground. “How’s that guys?” he asks. “Great, now get back to work,” somebody says. “I’m proud to be a coal miner, definitely,” Shane tells the Underground Idol Cam. “ If I had to choose something to be for the rest of my life, I’d have to be a singer.” He auditions with “Hallelujah” but he’s too nervous and the judges faces tell us it isn’t going well. Tyler waxes philosophical about the virtues of a steady job, telling Shane “sometime routine is the key to life,” and adds, “you singing to them down there, maybe that’s your forte.” We think rock star multi-millionaires probably should not lecture coal miners about the meaning of life. If Occupy Wall Street could make that clip into a commercial they’d raise millions.

Hallie Day, the last audition of the show, is a 24-year-old waitress from Baltimore. Hallie’s got it all: Deborah Harry-esque blonde hair and cheekbones, some singing chops, and a trump-that story. At 15, she went to New York to be a singer in a girl group, became an addict, went home to Baltimore but “I didn’t want to sing or perform I just wanted to kill the pain.” So she “drank a bottle of pills” and ended up in the emergency room. Then “music and my husband saved my life.” We aren’t told exactly how, but we’re sure details will be forthcoming if she survives Hollywood Week. Because Hallie gets the back-story/song-choice connection, she chooses “I Will Survive,” the Gloria Gaynor anthem and really sells the song. The judges adore her. And JLo, who, like we said, is only comfortable when she’s figured out who an Idolette reminds her of, finishes the auditions with, “I know this is obvious but – Blondie!”