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Saturday, February 11, 2012

Couch Slouch: Coaches are hired to be fired

As Fisher made his way back into the NFL Honcho Room, the Indianapolis Colts’ Jim Caldwell made his way out. If they bumped into each other, Caldwell might’ve reminded Fisher how uneasy lies the headset that wears a coaching crown.

In 2009, Caldwell went 14-2 in his first season as Colts coach. In 2011, Caldwell went 2-14. Bye-bye.

In fact, before the 2009 season, 11 new head coaches were hired and already nine have been fired — only the Jets’ Rex Ryan and the Lions’ Jim Schwartz remain.

It’s pretty simple:

When you get hired as a coach, you are signing up to get fired.

(Similarly — and I hate to state the obvious here, but, what the heck, it’s my job — when you get married, you are signing up to get, uh, unmarried. Note: I don’t use the “D” word anymore. Plus, this time around with Toni, a.k.a. She Is The One, it’s “till death do us part” — of course, in our case, she might end up killing me, but, hey, that’s technically still “till death do us part,” so I’ll take it.)

Sure, this NFL season the 49ers’first-year Coach Jim Harbaugh has been the flavor of the month, but you still don’t know if he’s going to be the next Joe Gibbs or the next Jim Haslett.

The late George Carlin used to say, “When you buy a pet, you know it’s going to end badly. You’ve just purchased a small tragedy.”

Coaches are essentially human pets.

The exception was Connie Mack, who managed the Philadelphia Athletics for 50 baseball seasons (1901-50), making him the longest tenured coach or manager in U.S. pro sports history.

The secret to Mack’s success? He owned the team. I mean, even a bankrupt Donald Trump wouldn’t fire himself.

Others have not been as lucky; everybody gets axed, some sooner than later.

In the NBA, the Sacramento Kings recently dismissed Paul Westphal after a 2-5 start. It tied for the second-fastest firing since the NBA-ABA merger — the Indiana Pacers fired Jack Ramsey in the 1988-89 season after a 0-7 start. The fastest firing? In 1977-78, the Philadelphia 76ers fired Gene Shue at 2-4 one season after he had led the team to the NBA Finals.

In the 2008-09 season, an NBA-record six of 30 coaches were fired before Christmas; of course, this was when the NBA actually played games before Christmas.

In Major League Baseball, only one man — the Angels’ Mike Scioscia — has managed the same team since before 2005. In 1988, the Baltimore Orioles fired Cal Ripken Sr., after a 0-6 start; in 2002, the Detroit Tigers fired Phil Garner after a 0-6 start.

In the NHL, the Detroit Red Wings’ Bill Gadsby won his first two games of the 1969-70 season — and was fired.

(Detroit’s a tough town.)

But no one in coaching annals has suffered the ignominy of Marty Schottenheimer, the star-crossed, sixth-winningest coach in NFL history.

With the Cleveland Browns — after no losing seasons and a 32-15 record his final three years — he was fired.

Then with the Kansas City Chiefs — where he had nine winning seasons out of 10 — he was fired.

Then with the Washington Redskins, he was fired after one season, in which he won eight of his last 11 games.

Then with the San Diego Chargers, he was fired after his fourth year, a 14-2 season.

(Look at those last two jobs again, with the Redskins and the Chargers: Schottenheimer was fired winning a combined 22 of his last 27 games.)

And now Schottenheimer has expressed interest in the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ head-coach opening. Really? He hasn’t had enough? I’m no shrink, but I figure the guy must like getting fired.

Ask The Slouch

Q. In keeping with the anomaly of Europeans and Asians dominating professional sports circuits, should we expect a PBA winner from the Ivy League? (John Swope; Irwin, Pa.)

A. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the pro bowlers tour bars Harvard grads and guys in J. Crew wear.

Q. Why would the St. Louis Rams agree to play a regular season game in London in each of the next three seasons? (Dan Harper; Chicago)

A. Rams owner Stan Kroenke mentioned the importance of NFL growth in Britain, but I assume he just needs the frequent-flier miles.

Q. If Glen “Big Baby” Davis dropped his shorts at a poker table, what would you do? (Allen MacDonald; Cheney, Wash.)

A. At that point, it wouldn’t matter what my cards were; I’d probably fold.

Q. Why doesn’t Uriah Heep get any airplay on classic rock radio stations? (Jeff Hazle; Woodbridge)

A. Was just wondering about that myself the other day while listening to Blue Oyster Cult.

Q. Did State Farm insure against a Green Bay one-and-done run in the NFL playoffs by taking out a policy with Allstate on its Discount Double Check ads? (Steve Casey; Ashburn)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash! For Norman Chad’s previous columns, go to washingtonpost.com/chad.

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Monday, February 6, 2012

Maryland women vs. Duke: Terps have no trouble getting fired up for rival Blue Devils

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Jonathan Newton/WASHINGTON POST - Brenda Frese, guard Brene Moseley and Maryland have lost four of their last five to Duke.

Text SizePrintE-mailReprints By Gene Wang,

The eighth-ranked Maryland women’s basketball team wasn’t 10 minutes removed from an 86-58 victory over Wake Forest on Thursday night when the discussion shifted to No.?5 Duke, the Terrapins’ next opponent and most-loathed rival.

Maryland Coach Brenda Frese kept the message curt and with a tinge of enmity when asked about the Terrapins’ preparation for the team that’s occupying first place in the ACC, one game ahead of Maryland.

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“It’ll be easy,” she said when asked about how she’s motivating her team for its biggest game of the season so far.

Frese’s charges also have a particular distaste for the Blue Devils, who rankle Maryland’s fan base like no other school. It’s indoctrinated from the moment players set foot in College Park, and the upperclassmen make it their responsibility to ensure the younger players embrace that animosity.

The dislike even runs deep into the Terrapins’ extended family, which includes Frese’s son, Tyler. Last season before Maryland’s home game against the Blue Devils, Frese asked Tyler if he knew what day if was. Even though it was Tyler’s birthday, Frese recalled him answering, “You play Duke?”

“It’s just human nature when you come to Maryland,” junior forward Tianna Hawkins (Riverdale Baptist) said shortly after collecting a school-record 24 rebounds against the Demon Deacons. “It’s always Maryland versus Duke, Duke versus Maryland, so I think that’s something we really look forward to. There’s a legacy.”

The series has been one-sided recently, with Duke wining four of the past five, but last season Maryland ended a four-game slide against its nemesis with a 69-47 victory at Comcast Center.

The triumph was perhaps the Terrapins’ shining moment in a season that ended abruptly in the NCAA tournament. It was Maryland’s most lopsided win against Duke since 1993, and it featured a game-high 17 points from center Lynetta Kizer (Potomac, Va.) and 15 points and 10 rebounds from Alyssa Thomas.

Thomas went on to be named ACC rookie of the year, and this season she leads Maryland in scoring and is second in rebounding. Her last game and one half, though, were somewhat ragged by her standards and in line with how the team performed.

On Monday night against visiting Virginia, the Terrapins survived, 68-61, despite 17 turnovers, shooting 59 percent from the free throw line and missing 17 of 27 shots in the second half. Thomas scored six points, matching a season low.

The Terrapins (18-1, 5-1 ACC) didn’t pull away from Wake Forest, which they beat by 21 points last season, until roughly eight minutes remained in the game. The score was tied at 37 at halftime, and Thomas had four points.

In the second half, Thomas scored 12 points and finished with 11 rebounds and seven assists. Maryland played one of its best halves this season overall, shooting 55 percent and committing just six turnovers while limiting Wake Forest to 31 percent shooting, including 1 for 10 from three-point range.

The Terrapins’ upswing comes just in time for their foray to Cameron Indoor Stadium on Sunday. Duke (15-2, 6-0) has won 25 in a row at home against ACC opponents. The last team to beat the Blue Devils at Cameron was Maryland, 76-69, on Feb. 17, 2008.

“It’s just always something that’s been there with Duke,” Thomas said of the rivalry. “I think we really get up for this type of environment that Duke sets up for us. I know we’re going to be ready for that game.”

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